Said jokes

I had a teacher named Mr. Stubs. I asked why he was given that name, and he replied, "My parents said my limbs were spare parts."

My friend went to the zoo yesterday. There was only one dog in a crate.

He said it was a Shitzoo!

I bet Steven Hawking $100 if he could catch me.

As soon as he said yes, I climbed up the stairs.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I hate "the woke" so much, I got mad when my mom said I "woke" up late for school.

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

My friend was playing a game and said he was fighting cultists, so I said Kanye's fanbase.

There was a guy who got his whole left side shot off.

When he was at the hospital and he woke up, he asked the doctor if he was okay.

The doctor said, "You're all right now."

The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.

That’s like 20 years from now, I said.

He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.

Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"

Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."

Spell "Peppa." Okay. P. E. P. P. A. Hahaha! You said peepee.

I tried this with my sister Makenna because she loves Peppa Pig and has a backpack of it. So I told her to spell her backpack's letters and tricked her... And she is only four years old and my secret is I am only eight years old.

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

What did the eagle say to Obama?

He said: "Joe Mama!"

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"