Said jokes

There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

My mom said, "Hey, come over here."

I responded, "Too late, Mom!"

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Yo mamma so poor that when we went on a date, she took off her shoe laces and said "spaghetti."

What happens to Stephen Hawking when he logs in to his account on Google when it says, "I am not a robot?"

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?

My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

What did the eagle say to Obama?

He said: "Joe Mama!"

I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"

I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.

She got on the scale, said "to be continued."

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.