Said jokes

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

What did the girl say Big Fella27 said, "I love Big Fella 27?"

"Same." HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?

My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

What did the eagle say to Obama?

He said: "Joe Mama!"

I asked my French mate if he had a games console. He said, "Oui!"

I saw this boy named Phone. He said where would he live? I said an orphanage.

She got on the scale, said "to be continued."

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

"Why are all these orphans here?" said Chris.

"Because their dad went to go get the milk," said MrBeast.

3 Years Later,

"I AM GIVING APPLE IN A SHARE TO EVERY ORPHAN IN THE WORLD, AND I'M ALSO GIVING EACH OF THEM 1000000000000 DOLLARS."

I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

Yo momma so fat, Santa said, "Ho, ho, ho, I've gotta go!"

"Hi, plane," said the tower.

My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.

She said help, so I kicked her.