Said jokes
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.
She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
They asked to tell them a joke, so I said no.
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Rocket League!"
Boy: *scares girl*
Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"
Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*
Girl: What work?
Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"
Little Susie had gotten her first period. She told her mom, and they bought pads.
The next month, Susie's mom asked if she had her second one. Suzie said no, and her mom fainted!
What did the poop say to the toilet paper? “You’re on a roll!”
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.
They said: "Because I lost my parents."
I said: "Let's find them."
They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.
My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.
A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.