Said jokes

Your mom is so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mom to move out of the way.

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

Guys, the person that said "suck a dick" was Mase. His real name is Mason, so ya.

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

A prisoner dug out of prison. He appeared in a playground. He said, "I'm free, I'm free!" A kid said, "So what? I'm four."

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."