Said jokes

I broke my arm yesterday. My bro said it is Arm-ageddon, and I still don’t know why.

Your mum said, "Who did it?" Ya nan!

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”

Yo mama so stupid, when she was in court and the judge said, "Order, order," she said, "Pizza."

Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

I was watching TV with my brother, and a diabetes commercial came on saying, "I have type one diabetes, and I manage it well."

My brother said, "You want a cookie?"

Guy, your hairline was the reason Adolf Hitler said, "Let there be war!"

I saw a fat woman at the bus stop today, so I asked her, "When's it due?"

She replied, "I'm not fucking pregnant, you rude prick!"

I said, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt!"

You're so fat,

when you stepped on the scale,

Buzz Lightyear came out and said,

"To infinity and beyond!"

A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.

A puma was making another puma laugh. That puma that was laughing said, “Stop making me laugh! I’m gonna puma pants!”

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

What does "bitch" mean?

Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"

A man was taking a child into a dark forest.

The child said, "I'm scared!"

The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."

Once, I tried to say, "P.P. That's funny right there." Instead, I said, you guessed it, "Penis!"

There was a guy called Manners, one called Poo, and one called Shut Up.

One day, Manners was on his way to pick up Poo from school. A police officer stopped Shut Up and said:

Police: "What’s you name?"

Shut Up: "Shut Up."

Police: "Where's your manners?!"

Shut Up: "Picking up Poo."