Said jokes

A man sacrificed children who played Roblox, so when someone knocked on the door, they said, "An administrator has banned you from heaven!"

Why did Iran, ran?

Iran said, "I ran away!"

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

How were tire swings made?

A tire said, "Goodbye world," and hung himself.

So I was doing a puzzle, and I was getting triggered with it. My friend said, "It's puzzling why you're so triggered."

The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"

I said, "Sexy."

Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb In the shape of an "L" on her forehead.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus:] Hey, now, you're an All Star, get your game on, go play Hey, now, you're a Rock Star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

It's a cool place and they say it gets colder. You're bundled up now wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ Judging by the hole in the satellite picture.

The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored.

[Chorus 2x]

Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept I could use a little fuel myself And we could all use a little change.

Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun. Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb.

So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. You'll never shine if you don't glow.

[Chorus]

And all that glitters is gold Only shooting stars break the mold.

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow," I said.

"Meow, meow, I'm a cow."

"Can I tell you a paper joke?" I said, "But it is pretty terrible."

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

A man named Icide ruined my life. I asked a friend if he would help me sue him. He said yes. But for some reason, he killed me.

All I wanted was for someone to help me sue Icide...

Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"

So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"

I always talk to my taco before I eat it.

One time it said it was having a bad day and I asked what's wrong. He said I don't want to taco 'bout it!

"I need help, George Sink," said Jimmy.

"What is it?" said George Sink.

"Can you wash my dishes?" said Jimmy.

Yo mama so stupid, she stared at a juice box because it said concentrate.

A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."