Said jokes

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains, so Mohammed said my faith can move skyscrapers.

Someone said to me they like greasy food with gravy.

I said no wonder your forehead's so greasy.

When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.

"I can't wait for Thanksgiving!" said the turkey.

I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”

I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.

I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"

Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

My son said, "What rhymes with orange?"

I said, "No, it doesn't!"

North Korea and the Martians were fighting about who was going to reach Venus first.

Trump steps in and says, "That doesn't matter, America is going to land on the sun first."

The Martians and North Korea said, "You can't land on the sun, it's too hot and you will die."

Trump said his brilliant plan, "America is going to land there at night."

This one time I said that John Cena looks like crap.

But I realized I can't see him. LOL!

This one time I said to a person that they are dry, then I was wet (ba dum tiss).

My bully said I have to shut up. I said, "Shut down" (ba dum tiss).

We asked our teacher many times for an atlas, and he said, "At last, you can have one!"

Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.

A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"

A girl said, "Suck my dick," and the man went, "I have boobs."

There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.

When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"

Two pedos are on the beach.

One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

22 ants were playing football in a saucer.

One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.