Why are Christmas trees banned at the mental hospital?
They would hang themselves like ornaments.
Why do 911 jokes always fail?
They always crash and burn!
A young teen was walking home from school and having a nice day.
She gets home, eats, showers, and heads to her room. The young teen hears her mother say something. Not sure what she said, the girl replies with "ok."
The young teen was gonna head to bed, wondering when her mom was gonna come in and say goodnight. She lays in bed, but then she hears her mom's voice say, "Hunny, I'm home." She doesn't bother to say ok.
Later, when she decides to sleep, she gets a message from her mom saying to unlock the door, that she lost her keys. :)
Are you a fire alarm because you're loud and annoying?
What do you call a kid that's in the fire? Hot Wheels.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
Why did the old man fall down a well?
He couldn't see that well.
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Q. What’s the only good thing about child molesters?
A. They drive slow through school zones.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
If a WOMAN gets RAPED, RUN INTO THE SECNE AND HELP HER.
What is one good thing about child molesters?
They drive slow past schools.
How do you stop a school shooter from killing you?
Tell him you don’t believe in dog.
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
What's the difference between a bird and a kid on the roof?
The bird can fly off the roof.
Yo mama's so stupid, she drowned in the pond because the sign said, "No Swimming!"
Why do you like cream instead of bugs?
Because bugs can kill you.
I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"
Why do boys feel safer at Ronald McDonald's House than Neverland Ranch?
Ronald McDonald's doesn't put his meat between boys' buns.
