Russian

Russian jokes

Speed

    • If someone's debating the speed of light and a drunk Russian, the Russian would take speed to grab a falling wallet.

    Priest

    • One night when I was six, I had this super annoying accent, and when I said the number "six," Oh no... One night my Catholic priest asked me how many cookies I needed for my family. I told him six, but thanks to my accent being mixed with many others including Scottish, French, and Russian, it sounded like I said "I need to have sex." He looked at me strange then pulled me into a closet, being a pedo.

    When Momma asked me why I was missing for 6 hours, I told her, "I went to get the cookies like you told me to, and father raped the Christianity out of me." The angry look she gave my father was amazing. Then with my Papa, she beat the hell outta him.

    Serves him right.

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    • Dinner

    • What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?

    Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!

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    • Russian memes

    Ice Cream

    • Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!

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    • Million

    • In order to get $355 million for his civil fraud case, Donald Trump desperately needed to fundraise. So, in every Republican Party event, he will serve the Patriotic Trump Dog! It consists of an 80-year-old sausage inside a 10-year-old cream bun, topped with Russian dressing.

    Trump does have the best people, doesn't he?

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    • Nut

    • "Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

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    • Politician

    • Have you ever heard of the Russian politician who was so afraid of the dark that, instead of going to the bathroom at night, he would use a metal tin that he kept underneath his bed?

    His name is Vladimir Pootin.

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