Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Gather 6 friends to play Russian roulette, and one's mind will be blown away.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
Why did Vladimir Putin get bad grades? -- Because he was Russian.
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
What did Donald Trump serve to Justin Trudeau at a state dinner?
Poutine with Russian dressing!
"Guess how I got to Germany so fast?"
"Because I was Russian!"
Americans be like: "Here is the US, we drive on the right side of the road."
England be like: "Here in the UK, we drive on the left side of the road."
Russians after a car accident be like: "Here in Russia, road is road."
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.
Putin: Crimea river.
If you're American outside the restroom, what are you in the restroom?
European.
What are you on your way to the bathroom?
Russian.
What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?
Winona Hider.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
What does a "Smart Russian" and a "Unicorn" have in common?
Answer: Non-existence!
What is a Russian joke?
Something that will be funny for Russian people.
Have you heard about the new Russian STD? Rottsmikokov.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland. what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
