Russian jokes
What do you call a Russian prostitute? Slobadown Mycockyoubitch.
When you're Russian to the bathroom, and when you're finished you're from Finland, what are you when you are IN the bathroom?
European.
What is more dangerous than Russian gangs?
Russian malls.
You鈥檙e Russian when you go to the bathroom and Finnish when you come out. What are you in the bathroom?
European.
In a thick Russian accent:
"Let's buy some vodka, pollute the earth with oil, and make insecure nuclear power plants that break all the time! Ah, yes. The mother land. A great place to be. Not like those stupid Ukrainian people who are living happy lives, they are crazy and need to die."
How Russians dance for their girl
Where do animal does Russian milk come from?
"Moscows".
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Have you ever seen that weird ad that pops up at the bottom: sexy Russian babes looking for men older than 30, and they're 18, so is it a reverse pedo? Oh well.
There is this cute Russian girl in my class, yet she hasn't asked me out for vodka.
A dead Russian is Trump's accountant.
What is a Russian joke?
Something that will be funny for Russian people.
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
A very rich and famous comedian walked into a Russian bar and asked for a vodka, but the bar man (a big fan of his) answered to him: - "This vodka isn't good enough for you." - "If it is good enough for you it is good enough for me!"
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
What do you call Joyce when she's running from the Russians?
Winona Hider.
Why was the German in a hurry? Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
Imagine the Russians showing up late to the 1917 revolution with a Tsarbucks in hand. They were late, so I guess they weren't Russian. They were probably Stalin.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!