Russia jokes
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Why did Joe Biden go to the hospital? Because he couldn't stop Putin.
Russia: "Silence."
Ukraine: Help...
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Russia.
They call it the Cold War because Russia is cold in 2 ways.
What is the country that is always in a rush? Russia.
Who will win the war: like for Russia, dislike for Ukraine?
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
Putin is the only person whose country is bigger than his mind.
A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...
"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"
Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."
"Oh, right. How's it going?"
"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."
"Wow! What about NATO?"
"They haven't turned up yet."
We love Russia, we do.
We love Russia, we do.
We love Russia, we do.
Oh, Russia, we love you! 🇷🇺
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
Dmitri! Where's my vodka?