God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
What can run, be an eyesore, and practice social distancing?
Your hairline.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”
Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”
Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?
She keeps on running from the ball.
You don't have to worry about running while boys are around. Even I can't see anything there.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
A pedophile and a priest run a race.
You can’t beat yourself in a race!
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
My wife was run over.
What do you call Mexicans running down a hill?
Sandstorm.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
