Run jokes

What do they use in communion when they run out of bread?

Doughnuts, because they're holy.

Why don't Indians play baseball?

Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.

Quiet Kid: *reaches into bag*

Teacher: EVERYBODY RUN!

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat... Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!" Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

I accidentally hit an orphan with my car, but I was not worried because he couldn’t tell his parents.

Why do short people laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Daughter: Where was I born?

Dad: Alabama.

Daughter: That is nice.

Mum: We have never been to Alabama.

Dad: RUN!

Mommy, mommy, why do I keep running around in circles?

Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

Commander: "Fire a warning shot."

Soldier: "Sir, this is a M32 grenade launcher."

Commander: "Potato, potato, just fire."

Soldier: *fires M32 grenade launcher near a pre-school*

Commander: "They're trying to run, TAKE THEM DOWN!"

A priest and Rabbi run out of the orphanage.

Priest: "How the hell did that fire start?"

Rabbi: "I don't know, but what about the children?"

Priest: "Fuck the children."

Rabbi: "Do we have time?"

Priest: "There's always time for something like that."

If the average male walks 1.7 miles a day, then why did my dad take 13 years to get the milk?

What do you call an orphan running home?

He couldn't find home.

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.

How do you confuse a blonde?

Put her in a square room and tell her to run in a circle.

A man walks over to a little boy and asks, "Wanna see my tattoo of a bunny?"

The little boy replies with, "Yes please, I love bunnies!"

The man proceeds to pull his pants down and said, "Can you see it yet?"

The little boy curious says, "No, where is it?"

The man says, "Dig a little deeper, he runs into the hole when he gets scared!"