Rope Jokes

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

Towing ropes can't be learned. They must be taut.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.

What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?

The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

The image shows a wooden guillotine with labels and prices for each part from Home Depot, accompanied by the text "Something you can do with your $600 stimulus check." at the top and "DIY PROJECTS & IDEAS" at the bottom. The parts and prices include: 24in x 24in, #16 plain sheet metal for $39.98; Everbilt 1/4in x 100 ft Sisal Rope, Naural for $7.97; 1in x 6in x 8 ft for $10.11; 4in x 4in x 10 #2 for $11.12; 2in x 4in #12 Galvanized L-Angle for $2.11; and 2in x 4in x 10 #2 for $3.88.

Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.

That’s about to become a rope around my neck.

What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!

How do you get a depressed kid out of a tree? You cut the rope.

When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

Man: Can you be my girlfriend?

Woman: I'm lesbian, sorry.

Man: Oh, here's your rope.

What did the kangaroo 🦘 bring to the cook out?

A jump rope!

You should never leave a man hanging.

Unless they are still alive..

Why have there been so many deaths around the world?

Trees and ropes.

I asked the emo kid how it was hanging. He didn't reply because the rope was too tight.

An emo girl jumped out of a tree at the same time a feather fell to the ground... What hit the ground first? The feather, the girl was stopped by a rope.

What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?

An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."

He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."