Rope jokes

My wife is so fat, I took her to the Macy's Day parade. They attached ropes to her.

Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?

So he doesn't roll back down!

Dad, there was one day I was playing jump rope with a pig, and then I made pulled pork out of him.

Son, he is dinner.

What's worse than Aaron with Down syndrome?

Aaron with a rope.

Did the leaf or the emo fall out of the tree? The leaf won. The rope stopped the emo.

How do u get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope they hung themself in...

Penis, neck, rope?

Why did the guy bring a rope to the party?

Because he wanted to hang out... permanently. 💀😈

What hit the floor first, the emo or the apple? The apple, the rope stopped the emo.

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?

I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.

Fuck off!

Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏

What falls from the tree first, the autistic retard or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the autistic retard.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

What is the continent that ALWAYS sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and that is so tired that it won’t wake up? Eur-ope.

Girl: Can we visit Grandma this weekend?

Mother: Sure.

Five-year-old: Look mommy! Two people and they're wearing rope necklaces!

Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.

The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.

The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.

The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.

And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.

Are you a rope? Because I wanna hang with you.