Roast

Roast jokes

Guy

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

Doctor

When you were born, you were so ugly that the doctors slapped your parents!

Time

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

Mom

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

Penny

Teacher: Okay class, look at the person to the right of you and describe them with one word.

Me: *looks to the right of me and sees the pick-me girl* "Penny."

Teacher: *shocked* How is she a penny?

Me: 'Cause she's two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants. Not to mention worth practically nothing.

Apology

Boi, you can't be talking because if someone punched you in the face, you will be the one to apologize.

Bathroom

You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.

Woman

The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)

Yo Momma

Yo momma so fat that people jumped on her cuz they thought she was a school bus.

Kid

What do you call 1 normal kid and 2 retarded kids smoking weed?

Pot roast.

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  • Gay

    Just 'cause I’m gay doesn’t mean I want you. I’m shocked anyone would.