Roast jokes

Life is too short, just like me. Get roasted, short people!

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

What is the difference between you and me? I have parents and yours left...

I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.

Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words. They wanted to hear them. They are: "you still holding the ladder?"

There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.

I bet when your mom first saw you, she said, "Oh my god, this ain't my child. My child would look amazing."

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

You're so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn't tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

If you're going to be a smart ass, you have to be smart, or you're just an ass.

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

"You must be why they invented the word ugly."

You look like a sandwich Bigfoot didn't even like.

Joe mama so fat, she could not walk the stairs of heaven.

Credits: to my friend.

Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.