Roast jokes
I was thinking about you today. It reminded me to take out the trash.
Someone: Didn’t we already meet somewhere?
Me: Yeah. That’s why I don’t go there anymore.
I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
Me: Mom, we made a cake.
Bully: Guess what?
Me: What?
Bully: Nobody cares!
Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!
Your teeth are sponsored by gap.
Your mama so slow, she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
Me: Do you know a funny joke?
Friend: Yes, you.
Someone: "I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE!"
Me: Then stay at 1,000,000 km of me.
Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.
Be careful around fire, plastic melts.
Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.
Me: Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds.
Them: You're ugly.
Me: Sorry, I am not a mirror.
My name is Mr. Cheese, but your jokes are cheesier than me!
Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.
Ninety percent of your beauty can be removed with a Kleenex.
Oh, were you talking to me? I thought you only talked behind my back.
Hold still, I am trying to imagine you with a personality.
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
You're so dumb that every time you use the bathroom, you use your shoe to wipe your ass.
I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!
Bully: My mom says I'm not allowed to burn trash.
Me: (quiet)
Bully: HEY I'M TALKING TO YOU.
Me: Are you talking to yourself? Because I was listening to music until I heard you.