Road jokes
Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find his family. Sorry!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Cuz he felt like it mind your f***ing business like damn.
Q: Why did the duck cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Why didn't the orphan cross the road? Where was he gonna go?
Why did the two balls cross the road?
To get to the penis!
Sorry, too rude?
Q: What did the stop light say to the other stop light?
A: Stop looking, I’m changing!
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
Why did the rapper cross the road?
To drop some BARS on the other side.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the one behind it wasn't social distancing.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
What do you call a traffic light that tells you, "Don't look, I am changing!"
Why did the toad cross the road?
To show his girlfriend he had guts.
What’s a gay person’s favorite race track?
Rainbow Road.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
Because he opened a corner shop on the other side.
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(