Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
I Am glass! People see right through me.
No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either
it’s just true
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: „That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!“ The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: „The driver just insulted me!“ The man says: „You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.“
I remember when I was a kid i thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right, they used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do to wrights make? The first airplane.
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous",
I'm dying to live forever !
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A DEPRESSED GUY WALKS INTO A BAR AND SAYS "CAN I GET SHOT".THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "YOU MEAN CAN YOU GET A SHOT RIGHT?THE BARTENDER THEN SAYS "WELL..........WHAT DRINK WOULD YOU LIKE?THE DEPRESSED THEN RESPONDS WITH A "NO I REALLY WANT TO GET SHOT.
i got a lot running through my head right now i wish at least one was a 12 gauge round
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say "Dad I have to go to school soon"
What do skeletons hate the most about wind? Nothing, it goes right through them.
I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating "Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn"
Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were "You're standing on my oxygen tube"
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
