Riddles
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What do you call a singing laptop?
A Dell.
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.
Why doesn't the Sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.
Who can shave 20 times a day and still have a beard? -- A barber.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? -- Because the cow has the udder.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?
A pool table.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
What's simultaneously up and down?
A retard on a plane.
What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who smokes weed?
A baked potato.
How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
To get to the other side!
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.