Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot.
One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.
Eventually the construction crew more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $10 "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."
"Oh, my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"
The little girl replied, "I will, if those assholes at Lowe's ever deliver the fucking sheet rock!"
Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.
The cashier kicked me out because when he asked for 99 cents, I gave him 99 scents.
Stephen Hawking robbed the Apple store looking for a charger.
What's an orphan's favorite store?
Home Depot.
Why did Michael Jackson rush over to K-Mart one morning?
Because he heard little boys' pants were half off!
One time my receipt broke before I even got to my truck.
What’s one store an orphan can’t shop at?
HomeGoods ;)
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.
Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?
He heard boys' pants were half off!
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
"Stephen Hawking was talking about a cash register at Costco when he said I can’t stand these people. 😳😳😳😳😳😳 What did he saaaaaaayyyyyyy?"
Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!
I told my friend that if he ever wants 50% off something at a store, just to take me with him and scan my wrist.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy who can't find his mum in the supermarket.
He asks the boy, "What's she like?"
The boy says, "Big Cocks and vodka!"
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn’t know back-to-school sales had started already!
Why do dwarfs work at Tesco?
Because every little helps!
What’s the similarity between peas from Tesco and emos?
They both have barcodes.
