Response jokes
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
This girl told me people call her ugly because she is disabled. I told her to stand up for herself.
A person asks a taxidermist what they do for a living. The taxidermist replies, "Oh, you know, stuff."
You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?
Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"
If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"
What do you call a dog with no legs? Call him whatever you want, he's not coming.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
What's the difference between intelligence and apathy?
I don't know! I don't care!
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
This homeless lady called me ugly, so I told her, "Okay, then I'm going home."
Yo mama so fat, every time she measures her carbon footprint the website breaks.
When you send her a dick pic, but then she sends you one right back...
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
Johnny: Mommy, Mommy! What is incest?
Mom: Shut up and keep licking.
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"
Hey, I broke up with your girl.
-Me: What? Why?
Wait, what?
-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.
Person: Guess what?
Other person: What?
Person: Chicken butt!
FEMA during a natural disaster is kinda like me during sex. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.