Response Jokes

One day I went to talk to my friend. "Hi John!" I said. No response. "Oh yea." I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button. "Hope that helps."

When the guy asks the girl if she's wet she replies yeah milky knickers

Stranger: Knock Knock Person Who's there? Stranger: Sugma Person: Sugma who? Stranger: SUGMA BALLS KID

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

“Jfc ****, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to god you’re so fucking bougie.” (Pause) “Oh I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan...” “Jeff who?” “Bezos.”

Do you think when Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like Donald Duck?

You know how on Snapchat hmu means hit me up? A school posted smu. Nikolas Cruz responded.

Say Hey your pretty then she'll say omg thank you so much or something cringe then you say pretty f ing ugly aha gottie

HOW YOU GUYS NOT EVEN KNOW WHO DID IT HAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAH

I ask my sister to get me a cup of fruit punch. I realized she was taking a bit so I walk to the kitchen and noticed that she spilled it on herself. I asked her how did you do that but there was no response.

What say the child to the man? Shalom Man come later give the child: Here what you ask for! Child: Noo sir I say Shabbat Shalom I not ask for Salmon!!!! Man: It may be the coin in me ear hard to hear

Santa was asked to describe Mrs. Claus in three words. His response was, "Ho ho ho."

37. After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein's office shouting... "Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!" Einstein rolls his eyes, "It's about time".

38. An eight-year old boy had never spoken a word. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "The soup is cold." His astonished mother exclaimed, "Son, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?" The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything has been satisfactory."

39. A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?" The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes!" "Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?" "Didn't know how fast you could walk".

40. A Husband and Wife at Custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex wife. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?" Ex wife: "I brought him into this world so I should have custody of him." Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason." Then the judge looks towards the Ex husband. Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?" The ex husband thought long and hard about his response, after a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out. Is it mine or the machines?"