Response jokes

9/11 called for help. What did that get? Nothing.

Instead of walking through the door, the owner of the house broke in through the window.

When he came out, a man standing on the sidewalk walked up to him and asked why he hadn't just walked through the door. The owner responded, "I'm pollo vegetarian, and I really just wanted a bit of food."

When the man looked confused, the owner said, "Windows are nature's vending machine."

Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.

On this website, I just searched up "My jokes". In response, it said, "No jokes found." Wth.

Go up to someone and say, "I'm sorry for your loss," and see what they do.

Şehmus ne demiş? Ne bileyim, olm, ona sor.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

Some kid in a wheelchair called me fat.

I told her, "Do a wheelie!"

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

Why can't you say hi to a drug addict?

They'll say "yea."

If someone says nobody asked, you could say, "Well, nobody asked for you to talk!"

Grandma isn’t responding. Close app, wait, cancel.

Which do you choose?

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Hi guys, I'm back! So I have a question for you. What is red and smells like blue paint? Type in comments what you came up with.

When someone says "Did I ask?" say "Then why did you respond?"

What was the oak tree's response to the apple tree's joke?

You should leaf it alone!

Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.

The creator's son tried that!

(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)

If a mentally challenged person shows up late,

Is it ok to call him tardy?

Here's what to do if an annoying person keeps talking to you. First, ignore them until they ask you if you're going to respond. Then ask them: if they were walking down the street and a rabid dog suddenly started barking at them, would they get on all fours and bark back? After that, continue to ignore them.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."