Response jokes

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?

Everywhere.

Son: What's for dinner tonight?

Mom: Steak!

Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?

Mom: HUNGER!

Why do 911 jokes always fail?

They always crash and burn!

When someone says: "You're a mistake."

Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."

I saw a little boy sitting on a curb wearing rags.

I said: "Aww, are you an orphan?"

And he responded with "Yeah. What gave me away?"

And I said: "Your parents."

My parents said to me, "Whenever you say sorry to someone and they say, 'It's okay,' it's really not."

So I said, "Okay."

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?

"It is ok, I forgive you."

Why is the Moon red today?

The reason why the Moon takes on a reddish color during totality is a phenomenon called Rayleigh scattering. It is the same mechanism responsible for causing colorful sunrises and sunsets, and for the sky to look blue.

You don't need brains to be a Boss.

When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."

The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."

Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.

Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.

Please write your comment.

But do not use words like monkey, donkey, loser, etc.

If you tell me to get a life, you're telling me to get a life better than yours!

If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"

What does an orphan say after a kid makes a "yo mama" joke?

"I don’t have a mama."

My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."

I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

Rapist: Rape doesn't hurt anybody.

Victim: (Implied response indicating the rapist is wrong)

Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?

It took Jesus 3 days to respond.

Worst lag ever!