"Fuck you, do something about it!"
Whoever says a joke "is not a joke" should go commit bye die.
I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.
She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"
I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."
My mom said, "Hey, come over here."
I responded, "Too late, Mom!"
Hope this is good!
One day I went to talk to my friend.
"Hi John!" I said.
No response.
"Oh, yeah."
I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.
"Hope that helps!"
The man says, "Can you hump me?" So the other boy says, "Bro bro bro bro bro."
What do you do when you're sad?
Nothing, because you are just crying about something happening to you.
What question can you never answer yes to?
Answer: Are you asleep yet?
Alex, respond to me, please! LOL
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"
Stranger: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Stranger: Sugma.
Person: Sugma who?
Stranger: Sugma balls, kid!
In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:
"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."
(Pause)
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."
"Jeff who?"
"Bezos."
Person: Guess what?
Other person: What?
Person: Chicken butt!
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
People: Stop joking about such serious issues!
Me: Kill yourself.
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
Booooooooooooo!
My bully: Your face is ugly.
Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.
My bully: :(
