What’s the similarities between an American teen and a old Muslim man? They both choose who they want.
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
God creating spiders.
God: "Make it have 8 legs." Angel: "Ok? Bit excessive but ok." God: "And 8 eyes." Angel: "You need to calm down and li-" God: "Give it a butt rope!"
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in? Vat-I-Cans !!!
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!!
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
God's racist. He separated light from dark.
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
What do you call a priest that is a furry? A catholic
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.
The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa.
What do you call a private nun?
Nun-o-yo-business.
Crucifixion - only one guy who nailed it... at least Jesus didn't get screwed over, but I bet he was pretty cross about being forced to hang around.
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
And the lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
