Religion jokes
Knock knock, who's there? God.
God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!
Really gotta love all the morons who, instead of sharing irreverent dark jokes, say the stupidest shit pertaining to Christianism.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
God: I feel like I'm forgetting something... oh no, Earth! *sees it on fire* Oh, it's fine.
People of Earth: *running and screaming*
Santen: *to God* Really?
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
Q. What do you call a Muslim basketball player?
A. Osama Bin Ballin'.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
You can hang the picture with one nail.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
A depressed man has been thinking of killing himself, and his friend says, "Find Jesus instead, he'll help you!"
And then the man says, "It's pretty hard to 'get help' from something that doesn't exist."
Jesus is the worst, just joking; he is the best! Best best BFF great guy ever that has a miracle. Jesus comes from Bethlehem! 😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😇
How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?
Both of them.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t climb up the stairs to heaven.
A priest and a rabbi were hanging out at a playground. The priest waves to a kid to come over and tells the rabbi, "Let's screw this kid."
The rabbi looks confused and asks, "Out of what?"
Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Why are people suspicious when a priest yells "Attention Kmart shoppers"?
Boy's pants are half off.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they have someone to call "Father."
Why do orphans love going to church?
Because they can call someone "father."