Religion Jokes

My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

Yay

The image displays the text "Love is Love" with three categories: "Not Race", "Not Age", and "Not Religion". Each category is depicted with stick figures showing different skin colors, ages (10 and 36), and religions (Christian and Jewish). Below, a close-up of the age depiction is shown and at the very bottom is an image of a fish character with a disgusted look.

Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.

Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

Priest: "Ok, what about the children?"

Father: "FUCK THE CHILDREN!"

Priest: "Do you think we'll have time?"

Why are Republicans supporting giving felons the right to vote?

Because their own personal jeebus is a felon!

What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?

One's got hope in her soul, the other's got soap in her hole.

If prostitution had a tax-exempt status, and if an adult bookstore had a tax-exempt status because of a glory hole, churches would have to do something else to keep their tax-exempt status to avoid the risk of going out of business.

What is a priest's favorite song?

-- Magic Flute in A minor.

Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.

How does Jesus make tea?

Hebrews it.

Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...