Religion jokes

What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A roamin' Catholic.

What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.

Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

"Amen, "Amen," "Amen."

Hail Satan.

............

Oh, sorry. I forgot which religion I was pretending to respect.

What do the initials BIBLE stand for?

"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."

No one:

Nothing:

Not a single f***ing soul:

Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!

Who was the first carpenter?

Eve, she made Adam's banana stand...

Whats the difference between NASA and religion

NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers

Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.

We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

How do you make holy water?

You boil the hell out of it.

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth-theist.

How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Did you hear about the new Exorcist movie? The Devil came to get the Priest out of the child.

What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.

Religion... That is all.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.