Religion jokes
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
A priest and a rabbi run out of a burning church, and the priest says, "What about the children?" The rabbi says, "Fuck the children." And the priest says, "Do you think we'll have time?"
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Whoever invented religions, they fucked up.
We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.
Whats the difference between NASA and religion NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Christian Bale.
What's the most fun a monk can have?
Nun.
No one:
Nothing:
Not a single f***ing soul:
Spanish Empire: DING DONG YOUR RELIGION IS WRONG!
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats? -- A pimp.
Did you hear about the Mormons?
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because it was a very large mammal; its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to Heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to Hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
What do you call a sex offender attending church? A priest.