Religion jokes
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.
You're so fat, you lasted a whole year on the cross just off of your fat.
Religion... That is all.
Who betrayed Cheesus Christ?
Goudas.
What is a Christian's favorite social networking site?
Faithbook!
What gun was used to kill Bin Laden?
An AK-BAR 47.
One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth-theist.
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
A priest asks a nun if she has slept with anyone, and the nun says, "Yes, a fucking hot girl!"
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."
When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.
The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
The teacher says, "That's right."
The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"
"That's right," the teacher says.
The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the inn keeper three nails and says, "Can ya put me up for the night?"
What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.