How do you know when you should tell a heterosexual woman to stop sucking your dick?
When there is blood coming out of your dick instead of sperm.
Relationship Jokes
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I only do anal, I thought you knew.
What do you do if you see someone raping your girlfriend? Help out. There is no way she can fight both of you. Then, find the poor man a lawyer.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why is sex like math?
You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.
Me (an adult) with my girl going to a nice restaurant, I asked the waiter, "People under 12 eat free, right?" The waiter confirmed that yes, people under 12 eat free, then my girlfriend said, "But I'm 13."
Why’s it so hard to break up with a Japanese girl? You gotta drop the bomb twice.
What do snow and friends have in common? If you pee on them, they disappear.
Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A: You slap her.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.
What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?
Super Smash Bros.
1 and 2 fell in love. The 2 said, "You're the only 1 for me!"
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Kenney lost his virginity to a $10 hooker, but he only had to pay $5. She was his sister, so he got the family discount.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
Why did Helen Keller’s boyfriend have wax on his finger? Because he was whispering sweet nothings into her ear!
