Relationship jokes

Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?

Because it's male bonding.

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.

Relationships are like fat people.

Most of them don’t work out.

What do lesbians cook for dinner?

They don't, they just eat out.

Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

I dated a furry once.

The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.

Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.

While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

Why can’t orphans be gay?

They have no one to call "daddy".

Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.

Why do people love dating orphans?

Because they're always home alone.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.

Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.

Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.

Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.