My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
Relationship Jokes
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What do lesbians cook for dinner?
They don't, they just eat out.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
Why can’t orphans be gay?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why do people love dating orphans?
Because they're always home alone.
What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marrahwanah.
Jack got high, slapped her thigh, and then they had some fun.
Jill forgot to take her pills, and now they have a son.
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me.
You need a shovel to find her.
"I will Always Love You!"
I was pretty tight friends with my butt plug. But then we had a falling-out.
My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
