GF: What did you use as kissing when you were little? Me: My sister SWEET HOME ALABAMAA
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend. Her boyfriend said "hi." I said, " knife to meet you."
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.
Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Will just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!
It's funny dating someone smarter than you, my girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be, let me explain, say for example she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
If sex is a pain in the ass then your doing it wrong
What do you call a girlfriend in the mirror?
(Your imagination)
I love you
If sex before marriage is a sin, is sex after marriage cos or tan?
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan it would be Twelve Years a Slave 🤣
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds
Throw a plate.. It’s broken right?.. Say “sorry” to it.. Did it fix back?.. No..that’s the Same thing you did to me:)
Why dont lesbians have sex in the morning. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese
So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
One day I was on my phone then I got a text message from my Girl Friend, "Hey Sexy boy wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean..." then I just stopped and froze I read the message I said, "Yeah sure..." she replied really fast, "Theres going to be a few people there ok." but i didn't read the next message... she said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." but i didn't read it I walked into her house but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise and it sounded like HER!! so I hide behind the couch and I looked through the open door and saw somthing I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
I dated a German girl, it was very annoying when she kept on screaming her age and moaning.
Why hand holding is a couple thing? Because they touch each others genitals anyway.
Why can't a get a girlfriend? Because I'm an beta male simp
To Tina: hi Love, your my oldest, and dearest friend. I will love you for as long as I live: I luvv you so much, my sweetest dearest darling.
hey selfish king i see u need a gf ;)
What relationship status fits an orphan, Single.
