Relationship jokes
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?
She comes home with sparkles on her face.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
Why did Stephen Hawking's wife get annoyed with him?
He had an affair with Alexa.
My girlfriend's a porn star.
She'd kill me if she found out.
Memes
When you say "i love you" and she says "ily"
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
Why does a heterosexual man believe that if a heterosexual man gets his dick sucked by another heterosexual man it's called a "brojob"?
Because it's male bonding.
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
An outlaw is wanted.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car, then didn't talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way, it really ruined her birthday.