Relationship jokes

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

What's the difference between milk and my dad?

Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.

Wanna make out, Explain Bear?

Are you Roblox? 'Cuz I wanna play ya all day.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

Fuck you and your shitty family!

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

I am cutie cutie, just like my bro, herishy.

My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺

Love you.

What is the similarity between women and freezers?

We like to put our meat in them.

Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.