Relationship jokes

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

I sucked a dick.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!

(Standing means: penis erection)

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Why do orphans love dogs?

Because dogs stay with them.

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

I don’t have another talking stage in me. 🤦🏿‍♂️ Do you squirt, and is your BD dead? 😭

I just read an article that Texas is number one in the nation for both depression and infidelity in relationships.

It's a sad state of affairs.

John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"

Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

Fuck you and your shitty family!

My dick wants to buy you a beer. 🍺

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.

I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.