Relationship jokes

Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.

I fucked your mum last night, that she was salty.

HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)

Gwen: Prince, they told me you'd be crying back. What do you want?

Prince: Nothing...BUT CAN WE GET BACK TOGETHER!?!??

Gwen: Sorry...BUT...I have a life to live now. I'm logging off this site and going to watch some TV. I'll be back in 1 hour, but we are done...DONE...DONE.

Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.

Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.

How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.

I have a girlfriend with a big dick.

What did the brother say to the other brother? "You are brother, brother."

A: Guess what kind of men/women do gold diggers like?

Q: One that has a sense of money.

I told my wife she was lousy in bed.

She replied, "I guess you have been seeing your ex-girlfriend, uh?"

Are you a waterfall?

'Cause I'm falling for you.

What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.

What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."

Well, the "HOLE" story is, I shoved it up her hole.

I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.

Friend: My girls are like boomerangs; they always come back.

Me: Mine DON'T :(

Y'know what's really sad?

Why break the fourth wall when you can turn the third wheel?

What is so annoying? A younger sister.

My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.

Hey mylady.

Hey bro.

Me mylady.

Me a bro.

I looked at my daughter. I told her what's wrong.

She said I wasn't being a daddy to her until...