Relationship jokes

Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.

Anyways,

Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?

More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!

But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.

How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.

Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".

What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.

Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!

Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low

Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

Your mam is gay.

A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!

(Standing means: penis erection)

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

Orphans: Sad, Depressed, Lonely, Virgin.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

Eventually find me attractive.

A girl comes home and finds her dad and 4-year-old brother on the sofa. She says, "Dad, why is he wearing that face mask?"

The dad buckles his belt and says, "There's more for you, hunny."

I sucked a dick.

I have a son. Her name is Zara.

I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.

Uh, uh, fuck me, daddy!

So Joe was at the store and he was looking for a dildo.

Then he saw one made out of dick skin, so he grabbed it and uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh UhuhUhUhUhUhuHuHuHuHUHUHUHUHUHUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went his mouth.

PENIS PENIS

My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.

I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."

Women say men are trash.

Yet men made the phone, laptops, computer and electrical hardware she uses to say men are trash, never mind the electricity she uses to power those devices...

Me and 1/2 of my friends.

Fuck you and your shitty family!

I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.

Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.

Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.

I hated getting bullied in school because I could never stand up for myself.