Relationship jokes

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."

Why was the kid sad?

He was adopted.

Wife: I think these pants are getting too small for me!

Husband: Don't worry, maybe you are just bad at laundry.

What is the difference between the human rights act and a dad?

If I adopt a child, is it mine?

🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯😳

I approached her in the checkout line and said, "Yo baby wassup?"

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

My sister said, "LET'S GO TO PIZZA!" So, I went to the pizza shop with her and she replied, "We really only needed the car?"

I don't want to date an alien.

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

Once upon a time, a man said to a woman, "I want to fuck you."

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

My brother truly is a numbskull.

Rapboat has to drug his own drink to get laid.

When's the only time a rapeboat is quiet? When he got his uncle's cock in his mouth.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

I’m am very sad that you guys are making fun of adopted kids because I am adopted :( :( 😢 🥺 😢 😭😭

One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish.

I’m breaking up with you, bitch.