Relationship jokes

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

What borders on stupidity?

Scotland and the EU.

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.

He sucked his sister's poop hole.

Tesco's slogan is "Every little helps."

Well, their bag did a wonderful job on suffocating my wife.

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo.

America and UK are a joke.

Ur dad is gay!

Omg! I didn't mean that. Please don't tell ur mom.

I'm so so so sry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

A guy says to his dog, "Where are you?" The dog was actually dead, bro.

I fell in love with my teacher.

Which is weird because I am home schooled.

The woman said stop, but the man kept going, so the wife just kept fucking.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

I wish my ex-wife would take me back. :(

Where was your mom last night? In the man club?

Why can't an orphan be gay?

They have no one to call daddy.

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.