Relationship jokes
Your mom gay, Evan.
Mom hot.
A mathematics professor arrived home at 3 am drunk.
His wife was up waiting for him.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!" she yelled.
He responded, "No my dear, I said I'd be home at a quarter of 12."
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
My mum told me to take out the trash, but I couldn’t find you.
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!
Can i have a girlfriend?
Want to do a titcock dance with me?
A white guy was telling his friend about this girl he hooked up with. His friend asks, "Did you get her number?"
He replies, "No, but it's okay, I'll see her at the next family reunion!"
So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
Women are like tornadoes.
They scream when they are coming and take your house when they are leaving.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
Being incest isn't that bad. I was fingering my sister, and I found my dad's old wedding ring. Winner winner!
Who do you call in times of a marriage crisis? A prostitute, because your wife fucking sucks.
If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?
When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.
What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?
I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
What made you suddenly lose interest in someone you were pursuing?
When I found out they liked me back. Not interested in someone with poor judgment.