Relationship jokes
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?
Why did the blonde have sex with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her that she had to do an essay.
My mom is a chemistry teacher.
Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.
Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!
She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.
Son: Hi Dad, I'm Son.
Dad: Hi Son, I'm Leaving You.
Years later:
Dad still did not come back.
What's the difference between a tornado and a divorce down south?
Nothing. Someone's losing a trailer.
What's one thing that you can say about a train, but not your girlfriend?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Scissoring is nice when I grind my wee wee on my wife’s clit.
Humping that little guy is like riding a wet butt plug.
My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"
Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
Hey selfish king, I see you need a girlfriend ;)
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
What has 4 hairy legs and fucks my sister?
Me & my dad!
Why can’t orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?
Nothing, he just started wanking.