Relationship jokes
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”
Q: What do you call a virgin from Alabama?
A: An orphan.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.
Pussies and tits have one thing in common: they're both made for kids, but men end up licking or suckling them.
My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).
She wasn't joking. :0
We are 15....
Yo life so miserable, the adoption center wouldn't sell you, just give you away!
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?
Kid: Why?
Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.
Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.
Man: Why?
Kid: I'm an orphan.
Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!
(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")
Your momma! OHHHHH!
So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.
"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."
And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"
The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
Must be heartwrenching for a loyal husband to watch his wife dry shagging me on the living room carpet.
I mean, once she started, she couldn't get enough.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
"When I was in jail, my girlfriend abandoned me. I created a fascination with becoming a gynecologist. When I got bailed out, I became a Travis Bickle."
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.