Relationship jokes
What do you call Holly and Elenji?
A couple.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
I like my dynamite like I like my woman: hot and ready to explode.
Knock knock, Who's there? Dad. You came back?
Why is daonlyjuanhere an orphan?
Because he is the only one.
Your dad must be a mailman.
My brothers kept annoying me.
I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.
It was an empty threat—right after I was done.
How did the skeleton win the girl? He was humerus.
Jack and Rose went on a cruise to do it in the water.
Jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
He: "I love you."
Me: "I love myself too."
Why don't chickens and sheep get along?
Because they have beef between them.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
I sit because I can't stand you.
She does not wanna fuck you, and she don’t need you clapping them cheeks.
Husband: Hey, my dear, this lunch is great. Where did you find the recipe?
Wife: In a detective novel.
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
Last year, I gave my brother a BB gun for his birthday. He gave me a T-shirt with a bullseye on it.
I asked him what the bullseye was for. He said, "Target practice."