Relationship jokes

What does broccoli and sex have in common?

If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.

When I bring someone breakfast in bed, I want to hear a thank you. And no, “What are you doing in my house?”

Marriage is really educational.

When I was single, I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put a fork in the dishwasher.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

Son asks dad, "How much does marriage cost?"

Dad: "I don’t know, son. I’m still paying for it."

How is a marriage like a hurricane?

In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.

One spelling mistake can completely ruin your marriage.

I accidentally texted my wife, "I’m having a wonderful time. I wish you were her."

What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?

He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.

Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.

Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."

My girlfriend got COVID.

This is the perfect time to propose to her. She might just say yes because of the lack of taste.

What's the difference between three cocks and a joke?

Your mom can't take a joke.

What did the autistic kid say to his girlfriend after they broke up?

"I thought what we had was special!"

I read the chapter of numbers, but nowhere did I ever see your number.

I’m really good at algebra. I can replace your X without even asking Y.

Wanna play dolls?

I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

I suggested to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hair back.

Apparently, that’s insensitive to someone during chemo.

My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"

When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"

I hooked up with my German girlfriend, but I kept on getting distracted when she kept yelling her age.

What do you call a seven who's not feeling well? A sick seven

Where did Sally go after stepping onto the minefield? Everywhere

Getting a girlfriend is just like parking a car; usually all the good ones are taken, so you just gotta stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices.