My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don't stand up for her in fights I don't care she use to push me around all the time
Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
A man and woman were having sex. After they were done, the man asks the woman, "Are you a nurse?" The woman answers, "Yes. How did you know?" The man replies, "Because you took care of me so well." Then the woman asks the man, "Are you an anesthesiologist?" He says proudly, "Yes. How do you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Two girls have a sleepover.
Karen: Let's go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it's early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" *Lauren hears noise* Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: *laughs* Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother Mikey*
If there is a divorce in West Virginia Are they still brother and Sister?
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign. If her parents didn't want her, why would I.
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away." the next time my Aunt visited she said "Where is you daughter?" my Mom said "I took your advice"
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
A couple is on their first date. Man: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently. Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Someone: I WANNA BE THE SUN OF YOUR LIFE Me: Then stay at 1 000 000 km of me.
My wife called me a pedo that's a big word for a 6 year old
What's the difference between depression and your ex? Depression fucks you harder
me: brags about my 30 kill streak
the jury: O.o
My mother really hates my dad for some reason. Maybe it was because he cheated on her, or maybe because it was her mom. Either way it really ruined her birthday.
