Relationship jokes
No one has my back like my dad.
Timmy: Stupid motherfucker.
Jimmy: Wow, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Timmy: *starts crying*
Jimmy: Ah fuck, I did it again.
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"
Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"
Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Your butt is bigger than my ex-girlfriend's butt, and I love it!
"Uwu daddy."
When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.
If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
I was in math class when my teacher gave us homework, and she said to me, "You're gonna get an F this time." So I went back home, and f**k my teacher.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Why are uncles like curries?
Because bad ones hurt your asshole.
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
His gay ass dad.
Your dad went to get the milk, but he was actually trying to find his father. He wasn't there.
I got in trouble in school today. The teacher said, "I'm gonna call your parents!"
I said, "Let me know when you find them." <3