Relationship jokes

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.

Gwen, are you dead????? If not, I am Alya. Thanks for always standing up for me!!!!!!!!!!!

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.

What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?

I don't have a sex slave in my basement...

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your smile's warmth, Lights up my view.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

What’s the difference between video games and my dad?

My dad doesn’t beat me.

What does a man masturbating and a mayo bottle have in common?

They can both squirt out their cum.

What does an orphan call a family picture?

"A selfie."

What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?

Can't elope.

One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.

So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.

Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I see myself in them.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The third one's for you.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My dad is gone to...

1273. My mother does not love me, nor does anyone, and my family doesn't either.

What do you call skeletons having sex?

When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.

What’s one thing you can say during a family dinner and in bed?

"Where are the kids?"