Relationship

Relationship Jokes

Password

A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.

Love

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

Butcher

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

Condom

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

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  • Barbie

    Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!

    Population

    My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

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  • Comeback

    My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

    Sister

    My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

    Will Smith

    Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

    So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

    Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

    Sleeping Pill

    Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

    Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

    Doctor: They are for you!

    Incest

    What's the best part about plowing your cousin?

    - It makes your sister jealous.

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  • Ankle

    You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.

    Anxiety

    If I were a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party, and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

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  • Dad

    I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.

    He didn't show up for the rest of the year.

    Insult

    My friend called me a dick earlier. I said, "You are what you eat." He then proceeded to run away from me.