Relationship jokes

What do you call an orphan at the dinner table?

Family dinner!

Oh, sweetheart, you brighten me.

"Gwen don't want break up! Please talk to me!"

Daddy, harder!

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?

One didn't go in the closet.

My brother thinks he's cool when he just SMELLS.

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?

I like my woman how I like my wine, just under 2 years old.

My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.

Hey, can I axe you a question?

My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.

"Can we do 69?"

"How about we do 9/11 since we will crash together?"

Three men walk into a bar. The 1st says, "Hey, how's it going?" The 2nd one says, "Great!" But then the 3rd man says, "Hello, where did my wife go? I swear she was just here!" What happened to the 3rd guy's wife?

I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

"Hey, is that a peach?"

*gets slapped on the butt*

"Noted."

If you are having sex and your feet are out of the tent, it doesn't count.

Gwen!!!!!! I need your help!!!!!!!!!!

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

Did you know there’s a sex move called Amazon?

You wait all day and nobody comes.

Are you feeling down? Because I wanna feel you up.