I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.
She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices
Billy: I'm so use to having you in bed with me, I don't know if I'm ready for this long distance relationship
Sally: Ohh, don't worry brother, I'll just be right down the hall...
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
The dick said to the ass, "this place is a shit hole".
The ass replied, "yes, but you still keep coming".
If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping of a roof
I don't think my gf likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand? Breakfast in bed!
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father in law
My girlfriend called me a pedophile but what does she know, She's 7
My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then?’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
rizz
are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”
