Relationship jokes

My sister's boyfriend is mad at me because I fucked his girl.

I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset.

Why are heterosexual women jealous of gay men?

because gay men can perform fellatio on men better than they can.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

How is a woman like a condom?

Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

I caught my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

Closer kin, deeper in!

My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said, "You better come back with a goddamn sandwich!"

My friend told me he had a sister. I asked if she was hot, and he said she was 8. That wasn't my question.

Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."

So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.

Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."

Life is like a penis: women make it hard for no reason.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to celebrate their marriage.

Nine months later, they happily had some use for their baby carriage.

Two years later, they went up again, then their daughter had a brother.

But one little secret that no one knew was that Jack and Jill share a mother.

What do you call a single bisexual?

All bi myself.

Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.

Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?

Doctor: They are for you!

What's the best part about plowing your cousin?

- It makes your sister jealous.

Bully: "Nobody loves you."

Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.