rizz
are you a biographer cause i picture us toghether can i take a picture of you for i can show santa what i want for christmas No pen No paper you still draw my attention you know what i hate about math they always talk about x and y but not about u and i
A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friends house after hooking up. "Was it hung?" her friend asks. "No he was shot."
What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.
A man asked his girlfriend what she wanted to eat one night, and she said Chinese food, so he took her to China. The next night, he asked her again. She said Indian, so he took her to India. The next night, he asked her again. She said, "Nothin'," so he took her to Africa.
The moment when she tells you: "I'm a virgin. Be gentle!" And you tell her "Don't worry I used to work with kids."
“Oh daddy,” the kid said. “I love you so much!” “Hey,” the man responded. “Until we get the DNA test results, I’m just Harry to you!”
What do you call it when a person with downsyndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned
Life is like a penis simple,soft,relaxed,and hanging free.until a woman comes around and makes it hard
My dad has the heart of a soldier, and a restraining order from the soldier's family.
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK
I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out
Boy: my girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her...
Off the nearby cliff
I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Why was Stephen hawkings wife mad at
She cought him having an afair with his shoulder
My wife left me for an Indian guy. -- I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back
I like my women how I like my wine
Aged 9 years and lives in the basement
A husband comes home from work one day and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
