a girl and a boy were on a date, the boy kept farting. the girl asked, What Is Wrong?!?!the boy replied, "explosive diareah." the girl said ew.
The boy went to the bathroom, and the place exploded. the center of the explosion, the bathroom.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
Doctor: Madam, your husband needs rest and peace, so here are some sleeping pills.
Wife: Doctor, when should I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you!
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
I was having sex with my girl and she said she likes it rough so i socked her in the face.
my boyfriend is just like a sexy nerd and a I still have to ask him thinks like that becuae i so distraked from him
My girlfriend broke up with me today but it’s ok, She said we can still be cousins.
A couple is sitting down, holding hands, and having a picnic after their wedding when the husband's friend walks over and says,
"Jenny and Jonathan sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, the comes abrupt, tragic miscarriage! Then comes blame. Then comes despair, two hearts damaged, beyond repair. Johnathan leaves Jenny, and writes on the tree: D-I-V-O-R-C-E."
Your hairline and my grandpa go way back.
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
Dear algebra, I don't want to find your X. I don't know Y she left you.
A wife and husband were setting up their computer, and the husband made the password "my dick." But the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
TFW you're having sex with your german girlfriend and she won't stop telling you here age
i got hit by a bus but the bus was my ex
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
My credit card is more declined than the love from my dad.
A wife asks her husband: am I pretty or ugly? The husband awnsers her: pretty. The wife responds: thank yo- The husband interrupts her: PRETTY UGLY!
"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."
"What was your first impression on him?"
"I told him, she calls me daddy too."
