Relationship jokes
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.
Are you a builder, because you give me an erection.
How is sex like a game of bridge?
If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.
Your eyebrows are far from home just like your dad.
Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered, "Y?"
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your parents.
Woman: A woman’s life is harder, there is menstruation, periods, birth...
Man: Men have to deal with women.
Every like this gets, I will kill a telemarketer.
Every dislike, I will kill a cute puppy.
Every comment, I will kill your ex bf or gf and send you a PS5.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Why don't orphans get dad jokes?
Because they don't have a dad to tell them.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
It's like your hairline and your forehead had a disagreement.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Roses are red,
My nuts are bigger than your small balls, that's why I get all the bitches.
One man's trash is another man's treasure, he said when he found out his parents split up and he is being adopted.
Your mum is so fat, all her relationships are long distance.