When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why did my boyfriend leave me?
Because he's gay.
But why did he come back to me?
Because I'm actually a guy :-)
A good bath is like a dead lover.
You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
Two gay guys are in a burning building, who gets out first? The one on the top or the bottom?
The bottom because his sh*t's already packed.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Your mom gay.
I like women how I like my hair dryer: locked in a closet most of the time and only being used to blow me dry.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
I almost secretly married a watermelon, but I cantaloupe.
How do you find a redneck virgin?
Just look for a 4-year-old. They can run faster than her brothers.
I'm serious, what's a "dad?"
What is a "dad?"
Cameron and Pav.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
