Relationship jokes
Man: What's up?
Me: I'm annoyed.
Man: Why?
Me: I stole my gf's heart.
Man: So why are you annoyed?
Me: Everyone else in the surgery room gave me weird looks.
Hi Mom, how are you doing?
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
I hooked up with the groom at my uncle's wedding.
My dad and I were playing hide and seek. I still haven’t found him. It’s been 15 years.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."
What’s the difference between Isaac Newton and my Dad?
Isaac Newton didn’t beat me half to death with a pipe wrench.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
Can you fuck me, please?
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I know a pedophile,
And he says he knows you.
Two sticks only make a fire.
Joe Mama!
Doin' ya mom oh yeah oh yeah, doin' doin' ya mom!