Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
The lasagna I just cooked is for me, my friends, and family. You don't get none because your name is not on the list. You wanna know why? 'Cause you got the whole place smelling like catdog and ass.
Every time I come straight home from work, you're in the bed asleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket.
Then the next thing I noticed, you just came back from the dead in no time, dummy.
Hey, my man, why you got them damn old, stanky-looking Whoopi Goldberg cornrows on you head? Are y'all twins, or boyfriend and girlfriend, 'cause if y'all are, go get married in Color Purple land.
Man to woman: "Would you sleep with me for one million dollars?"
Woman: "Sure."
Man: "How about for ten dollars?"
Woman: "What do you think I am?"
Man: "We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price."
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
Why did my dad leave me?
Because I was gay.
Your classmate: You're so ugly.
Me: That's what your mom said when she had you and called you a mistake.
Roses are red, I like burgers on a bun.
This news: family neuters furry son.
Why can't orphans have sex?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
What do you call someone who is extra virgin?
Mrs. Frame.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.
You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.
Why can’t orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call DADDY! 😩
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
What does an orphan call a family picture?
Answer: a selfie.
I’m horny who else is *ugh ugh papi harder*.
What do you call an orphan's selfie?
A family photo.
Wife: Honey! Do you like tea?
Husband: No, I like after "T"!
It means: the letter "U": you!
Dad: Son, you're adopted.
Son: Oh wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents. Your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
