Relationship jokes
Mom!
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.
I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.
Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was.
A man and a boy were walking through a dark forest. The boy said, “I’m scared.” The man said, “Why are you scared? I’m the one who’s going to leave these woods alone.”
Your mom is fat, oh yeah, oh yeah, uh, uhhh.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
I just wanted to write something random.
And now my wife is dead.
It's been a while since I've talked to either Prince or tj. Do any of you boys wanna chat? Plapls?
Mom!
The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
What's the difference between you and my dad? You come home.
What's the difference between you, your uncle, and your dad?
One didn't go in the closet.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)