Relationship jokes

I had sex, but ended up going "uuyaahh!"

What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."

The other man says, "How do you know?"

The other man says, "Because she is dead."

Gwen pegs Xavier.

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

SEX Some Event Xaern

Xaern - loving something so much you begin to dislike it.

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

What is a pizza that an orphan can’t have?

A family pizza.

Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.

One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.

The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha

What's the first thing you say in anal sex..... "Holy shit!"

My ex misses me, but her aim is getting better.

Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?

Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?

Friend 1: Nope, guess again!

Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...

Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D

What's the hardest thing to do?

Not kill your siblings. (Put the knives away ">:)")

JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.

61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69... mouthwash.

I hate family reunions.

I see too many of my ex's there.

What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?

You only see one asshole in 69.

Coworker, why is Sara so blue?

Is it because Sara wishes she had a man? coworker she always watches you with your husband together out of love. You better watch out dear, she might "saraorize" him, with her crooked teeth and ultra-thin lips.