Relationship jokes
A girl did squats everyday with a 20 pound weight in her hand to finally text her boyfriend, "Show me your dick now!"
At least someone who is gay/Carter has someone.
Love you baby :^
Dad: Are you gay?
Kid: Yes.
10 days later.
Kid: I’m going to my girlfriend's house.
Dad: I thought you were gay?
Kid: What’s wrong with you? He’s the girly girl of our relationship, dumba**.
Dad: Don’t swear and okay, bud.
Bully: How is your girlfriend?
Me: I don't have one!
Bully: I know!
Me: How are your parents?
*Walks out of orphanage*
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
I'm Joe Biden's husband.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
I dated an orphan and then later married him for 7 years until he told me he was an orphan.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "Daddy."
My BFF asked me: "You know why it took Carlos 3 days to move on?"
I said: "Why?"
My BFF says: "Well, it's because he was already cheating!"
I said: "KNEW IT!"
What's the best way to tell your friend you hate them? Option 1: Kill them. Option 2: Walk away. Option 3: Kill each other.
Me: Why can't I just kms and leave them the pain?
If you think long and hard, oral sex is like cannibals.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.
Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."
My girlfriend didn't bring me the sandwich, so I brought the gas.
What do you call an orphan’s picture?
A family photo.
Kenny: "Tyler, you're lucky you're adopted."
Tyler: "Why?"
Kenny: "Because you can fuck your mom without getting arrested for incest."
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."