What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
Relationship Jokes
I asked a kid where their parents were...
Lol
What did the naked man say to the naked woman?
"Suck my dick."
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?
"Like ur cute g."
Who needs Singles Day when you're single for the rest of your life!
They say the polar ice caps are melting, good, because my wife's a fat, cold bitch.
I went on a date with an Eastern European chick. She got mad because I rushed her...
Get it? It's Russia, and I rushed her.
"Go frick a cow!"
"I already fricked your mother."
Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.
My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.
My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!
Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 10 fingers, the middle ones are for you.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?
How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?
You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.
You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.
He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.
You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.
What's the difference between a sex slave and a goat?
I don't have a sex slave in my basement...
But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.
After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."
My neighbor has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude. I personally am on the fence.
One day I visited my friend in a hospital.
I remember when I spoke, "You know, sometimes it's reaching its peak and its lowest state, but I know you'll always end like the others at calming and straight!"
Yes, I talked about the heart monitor beside him.
