New Relationship Jokes - Page 75

"Are you my homework? Because I want to slam you on my desk and do you all night."

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Coworker: Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Coworker: Not your parents.

Orphan: What are you doing tonight?

Me: Your mum... oh wait, you don't have one.

You're more uglier.

Kiwi loves Brad.

This orphan showed me a family photo.

But it was just a selfie.

Repeat after me...

Me: "You have a weird style."

Mom: "You have a weird style."

Me: "Um, not your mirror!" *runs away*

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

What's the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One is loved.

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"