I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting.” So I took away his towers, and he took away my queen.
You can get the park in the park with you if I have park in your car, and I will be there in a couple of hours. Would you be able to pick them out at your house, and I will pick you up, and I will be at your place at your convenience. I can get them in a little while. I’m at the park. Bye.
Mom: Anna, let your younger brother have the sled one half of the time, and you the other half. That way it will all be fair, and I don't have to put up with this crying. I've already got seven others to take care of.
Anna: I do, Mom. I have Fred (younger brother) go up, and I go down!
Mom: Good. Now how 'bout the rest of you go play outside? It's beautiful out there! It's the warmest it's been all year, 45 degrees below 0!
Kids: Wow! I never thought it would warm up! I love Alaska!
What is an emo's most hated game? Hangman.
Because it's rubbing it in their face that they can't hang themselves.
Billy got a bike and a soccer ball for his birthday from his uncle, but he was very upset. Why? Because he has no legs.
" this a recreation from ME" Guy: Do you know how to draw woman's rights Girl: No how Guy: All you need is a blank paper and reality.
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
So Steph Curry and Lebron James went on a vacation, and Steph Curry said, "Try not to travel!"
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week, and it said 2-4 years on the box.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did Suzy fall off the swings? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Suzy.
Cool, new word of the day: Marijuana.
“Does Marry wanna smoke a joint?”
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That would be fine, but he hasn’t come out of his room since Friday.”
Boys: “Have you checked the closet?”
Playing hide and seek with Helen Keller wasn’t the best idea you’ve had all day.
You know the difference between happy tailgaters and angry tailgaters?
Happy tailgaters know how to throw a party.
I did not want to join sailing, but my friend roped me into it.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving, you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
