Recent Jokes

I recently got kicked out of a casino because i apparantly misunderstood what the craps table was for

I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...I bought a Dalek egg timer recently... After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!

I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win - however, no pun in ten did.

There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt........ Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't

Michael Jackson was recently sighted at target. Why? The sale was all boys pants half off!

I had to share a table recently with a disabled man when I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

My girlfriend passed away recently.

at the funeral everyone was shocked about it

Still even when dead she is the best shag I've ever known

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider transMEN as men which is rather confusing to me. As a Jew I don’t know very much about Christianity but from what I’ve heard- don’t priests love little boys?

When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...

You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends. Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot. You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate."

So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4 and he started crying, what's he gon do? tell his family? XD

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

Who is the gorilla"s favorite president of the most recent years? It's hairy truman.

I have a friend who recently stoped smoking and the withdraw was hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend. I see a dreamer over there by the water!

An old lady was low on money because she had spent all of her money on clothes. So she decided to go to the bank. She walked up to the guy at the desk. She asked if he could check her balance. He asked a few questions to the old lady. Like her weight and her height. He asked her if she had done any exercise recently. She was very confused. She got angry and asked the man again to check her balance. So he stood up, walked next to her and pushed her over. He came to the conclusion that she had a low balance

My boyfriend recently asked me to suck his cock, I was kinda nervous because I’ve never tasted a dick but he said it doesn’t taste that bad so I’ll give it a shot