I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
I’ve been munching away on these new Tic Tacs recently and honestly, they are really good.
It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty though, so it’s time to get some more!
My Chinese friend died recently, So Yung.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
I recently saw a pun contest in NYC. The owners said there was a maximum of 10 puns that I could submit. I wrote 10 puns and submitted all of them in hopes that at least one would win--however, no pun in ten did.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
Michael Jackson was recently sighted at Target. Why? The sale was all boys' pants half off!
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
What country has been the hottest in recent years?
Sri Lanka, they had 3 bombs in a day!
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
My girlfriend passed away recently.
At the funeral, everyone was shocked about it.
Still, even when dead, she is the best shag I've ever known.
Who is the gorilla's favorite president of the most recent years? It's Hairy Truman.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain!"
You are recently injured because of your job as a driving instructor, so you couldn't go on vacation with your friends.
Your friends tell you that they have an Asian pilot.
You realize, "They have a -1% survival rate!"
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
When I was recently standing in front of a huge puddle with my buddy, I remembered how he tricked me a week ago. So I tricked him...
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
