The 60+ Best Recent Jokes

What country has been the hottest in recent years?

Sri Lanka, They had 3 bombs in a day

According to a recent poll, your mother said, "I like the guy who saw the guy who doesn't have a brain."

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

I did a bunjee jump for charity recently. It was called spastics on elastics

I recently was told by my therapist to stop with the suicide jokes. So I replied with "Don't worry, it will all end soon"

I had recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy

Accordion to a recent survey, replacing words with the names of musical instruments in a sentence often goes undetected.

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

Autistic jokes have been very popular recently, in other words, I’ve been very popular recently.

My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I'll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis, we talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing to her about being suicidal, she's been very helpful throughout it, I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

A recent study has found that beer contains female hormones

A test group of 100 male volunteers each consumed six pints of beer, and the effect was they all talked endlessly about nothing and couldn’t drive for shit

do you wanna know how I recently seduced and obese woman, actually it was a piece of cake

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team Because I hate dealing with parents.

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

Recently I visited a restaurant in Crotone. When I was done eating, I told the waitress I was “Penaldo” with my food. She instantly knew that I was finished with my food.

Person 1: “How many ph vids have you watched today? Person 2: “Seven” Person: 1: “What the fuck dude..” Person 2: “I know right? I’ve gotten seven ads for Pizza Hut in the past hour.” (Based on an encounter I had recently)